Letting Go
by Nirvana Lucifer Christ
Summary: "I was so happy that that Narnia had summoned me back. It was just like any ordinary day when the two worlds had meet to let me pass. To stand under the clear northern skies, to watch the glistening sun, to wander the magical woods and to stand on the eastern seashore once again, everything was like a dream. The feeling was unexplainable." A sequel to Queen Lucy The Valiant


**Disclaimer:** _**I don't own Narnia.**_

* * *

I was so happy that that Narnia had summoned me back. It was just like any ordinary day when the two worlds had meet to let me pass. To stand under the clear northern skies, to watch the glistening sun, to wander the magical woods and to stand on the eastern seashore once again, everything was like a dream. The feeling was unexplainable. Cair Paravel resided atop the east facing hills in all its grandeur; just at it was in our reign. It seemed Peter had made the right decision when he entrusted Narnia to Caspian. Caspian. Caspian was another reason I had wanted to return. I wanted to return as soon as I steeped through the portal leaving him behind. I had been a naïve girl. I had seen the pain in Peter's eyes when Aslan had given him the condition. Yet he chose to return to England. I had wanted to follow Peter, to return to my family. That was because I had been scared. I was not scared anymore. After all it had been many long years since I last saw my family, and I was doing just fine. They had refused to leave England and I refused to leave America.

Caspian had been away on a war when I found my way back in Cair Paravel. The White Witch had been resurrected by some followers and created a havoc leading to another War. He had been gone for four months and was yet to return. I had decided that the next time I would see him I would tell him about my affections. I would ask him about those fleeting looks, those secrete smiles we shared and the way his hand had tightened around my waist during my farewell. We would remember our happy days when we had fought together and had supported each other. I was immersed in my musings when my lady in waiting barged into my room, "Milady…Milady…the King had returned victorious…you must prepare yourself." My stomach was filled with butterflies as my heart throbbed rapidly in my chest. I ran out to the hall, I cared less about my appearance right now. After all Caspian was not a man to judge a person by their outer image.

I joined the other royal women as we waited for our King. My palms sweated with anticipation as his arrival was announced, " King Caspian X, the Ruler of Narnia." I tightly closed my eyes to clam down my self. Then slowly began to open them. The first thing that I noticed was his black boots, with each step he took towards the thrones my eyes travelled upwards. He was still in simple clothes, his brown pants with an off-white shirt. Peter's sword was tucked inside his belt with a Narnian emblem. Then I noticed his face; it had changed so much since I last saw him. The only things that did not change were his piercing obsidian eyes. I sighed. How could this heavenly creature be made for me? He reached his throne and turned towards his People. "Narnians the White Witch had fallen again and her followers were destroyed. Narnia is safe." "All Hail King Caspian!" "All Hail King Caspian!" The Great Hall echoed with praises for the King.

He smiled at his People when his eyes landed on me. For one second the moment froze as a hundred emotions coursed through his eyes. Then a lazy smile spread upon his lips as the mouthed my name, "Susan.." That was my divine call. The Great Hall forgotten I ran towards him enveloping him into a fierce hug. "Welcome back." He chuckled into my hair. We pulled back and smiled at each other. It was like that all those times I had spent away in America was just a dream and this was reality. " How did yo.."I cut him short by crashing my lips on his. I put all my love and passion into that one single kiss. However, he instead of kissing me back as I had expected, stiffened under my touch. That was the moment I realized the whole Great hall was stunned into silence by my action. I blushed a deep shed of red and lowered my eyes. "I am sorry." I whispered. When my apology was met with silence, I forced myself take a peek at him. Caspian's face looked very serious, shocked, even guilty and his eyes were fixed on the main door.

I followed his gaze and looked at the main door. There by the door stood a woman in her early thirties. She was not breathtakingly gorgeous as I was praised to be but she was soothing to look at. Her hair was tied on a half up half down style with chestnut curls cascading to her waist. She was pale but had an unnatural glow on her face that I could not comprehend. However, the most striking feature was her baby bump visible through the satin green gown. Then I noticed something that was my downfall, atop her head rested an elegant golden crown, the crown of the Queen of Narnia. She looked startled then a sad smile graced her lips as she mouthed my name, "Susan."

The Queen gracefully walked towards her husband and extended her hand to him. Caspian gave her a guilty look before taking her hand and pulling her beside him. Then I noticed something that I had only read in Lucy's romantic novels. As soon they touched a warm aura surrounded them. A tide of immense love spread in all direction. After giving her husband a reassuring look she addressed her people, "My fellow Narnians as you have known that the terror of the White Witch had come to end and this calls for a celebration. I on the behalf of the throne would like to announce a ball. This will also be a welcoming ball for Queen Susan The Gentle of Old.." she smiled at me ".. And dear friend of ours." She finished. A loud murmur was heard before she a spoke again, " The court is adjourned."

I was escorted back to my chamber and all day I heard rumors as to how I was trying to sneak my way into their King's heart. The only woman that still trusted me was Celia, my lady in waiting. She was helping me to remove my corset when I asked her, "Who is she?" "Who is who Milady?" she replied trying to look uninterested. "The Queen." I stated curtly. "King Caspian found her when the kingdom was in greave danger." She quietly replied. But I was not satisfied. I wanted to know as how this woman could have made him forget about me. I glared at Celia and she continued, "It was very odd at first, she behaved like a man…opting for horse rides rather than carriages, weapons rather than dresses. She helped His Majesty to run his kingdom and led battles just like him." "I don't understand why will a King fall for a tomboyish woman." I voiced my confusion. Celia smiled knowingly, "Because the Queen was different from all other royal women he had met. She was like a touch of magic in his boring life…because she was the one for him." When Celia finally removed my gown, I just jumped into my bed and cried myself to sleep.

The moon beams flooded through my windows as I heard a man's voice outside my door. "Milady His Highness requests a meeting," a servant informed me. I jumped out of my bed, quickly threw a cloak over my nightgown and ran a hand through my hair. "Let him in." I ordered taking my seat on the divan. The doors slowly revealed an uneasy Caspian as he wished me, "Evening Susan." Good Morning Caspian." I wished back curtly. I was hurt and I wanted to let him know. "It was quite awkward what happened yesterday." He said without looking at me. "I suppose. Though how was I suppose to know that your love for me was such short lived." I replied coldly. "It was not.." "You mean to say you still love me?" I cut him short. "No…I mean to say my love for you was not short lived because there was no love…just attraction between two naïve hearts." He cleared himself. "It didn't have the time to develop into anything." He added in a much softer tone.

"How can you say that?" I huffed with annoyance. "I came back for you...and...and you are saying you moved on. I even left my family." I cried. "Susan you didn't come back for me…because I am very happy with my present status so I didn't summon you and you had already left your family before you came here." He was getting angry. "Stop lying to yourself Caspian…I know you still love me…I guess she was just a substitute for me after all she is a brunette as well." I retorted back. " How dare you…you.." He was seething with anger now. "_Amado.._" A soothing voice approached us. It seemed the Queen had been eavesdropping upon us. I was furious, "How dare you interfere?" "Susan." I sensed a warning from Caspian. "This is my castle Lady Susan and you are in my room…so I will come and go as I please." She replied calmly before taking a sit beside Caspian on the divan. "Let me _Amado._." she smiled at Caspian. In an instant Caspian's rage vanished and he visibly relaxed. He playfully placed a hand around her shoulders and she teasingly smacked it away.

This woman was surely something because she up to certain heights graceful in her manners. But she also oozed a confidence and playfulness that was very uncommon in medieval royal women. The only time I had seen this combination was in my younger sister Lucy during our reign. "Lady Susan…I am sorry that you were not informed about Caspian's married status but I had waited to tell you because I thought it would be better if he was present during the discussion." "Well it will not change anything because I am his first love and you are just a substitute." I challenged her. But she just smiled in return. "After all we have a past together." I added to irk her. Again she smiled. This was getting ridiculous. Her serenity was bugging me to no end. "A farewell kiss with a promise of never returning does not account for a past Queen Susan." She replied. My eyes widened and I glared at Caspian, "You told her that." I was humiliated.

Instead of answering me he winked at her. She giggled before answering, "No Susan he did not tell me…I was there when you decided to leave him…I was there when you said Narnia was just a fairy tale, I was there when you left your family…I was there when you danced with all those young soldiers." "How?" Was my unintelligent reply. They both got up from the divan and Caspian formally introduced to his beloved Queen, "Susan I like you to meet my better half and a co-ruler of Narnia, the Mistress of the Eastern Seas, Queen Lucy the Valiant of the Old." My head was spinning, as to how was this possible. Yes it was true that it had been a long time since I contacted my family but surely they could have informed me if Lucy went missing. Seeing my disbelief Lucy put her hands around me and whispered, "I missed you, Susan. Peter, Edmund, mother and father they still miss you." I forced her away and snapped at her, "If you are really my sister then won't they miss you as well since you disappeared from their lives."

"Yes they miss me not because I disappeared from their lives but because they had given me to the man of my dreams." She answered. "Lucy's parents as well as her brothers were able to become a part of our wedding; a wedding gift from Aslan you see." Caspian added. "You had been gone for too long…Susan." Lucy whispered more to herself. It was late when Caspian and Lucy left my chambers. Lucy had been hesitant to leave me but Caspian had been firm about her sleeping hours, "Lucy you should remember that your actions will also effect the baby's health." I had seen the adoration and protectiveness shine in his eyes when he had said this. I wanted to have that same kind of love from Caspian…hell who I was kidding, from any man. All my life there had been many suitors, but every single one of them had only seen my outer beauty. Neither of them had tried to know my heart.

Celia entered my room with a tray of food, "Milady you had missed dinner so I took the liberty to bring you food." "I am not hungry." I replied robotically. She placed the tray on the table and sat in front of me, "Milady is something the matter?" "Why do you call me Milady...why do you care so much?" I snapped at her. "Because you remind me of myself." She smiled sadly. I looked at her curiously. "I was one of those many victims of slave trade that His Majesty saved. Given I was the only girl from Lone Island he gave his cabin to me, on the ship. I was delighted. He was generous and even comforted me when he found me crying one day." She paused; I nodded her to go on. "Every night he checked on me, and I slowly fell for his brooding face. But there was something about his nature that I could not place, a restlessness, a deep seated desire….I was stupid enough to think it was for me." She ran a hand through her red mane.

"After a long week when the ship was full of slave trade victims, we returned back. Seeing my orphaned condition His Highness offered me a place in the Palace. I was ecstatic. One night I was merrily passing the gardens when I saw them…Queen Lucy sat under the Portal tree absorbed in a book and the love of my life's head rested on her lap. He was playing with her chestnut locks with a contented smile etched on his face. It was not a hug nor kiss but the moment seemed so intimate to me and I had felt like an intruder. " She sighed at that memory. " Previous to that I had never seen anything intimate between them. She was just a tomboyish friend of the man I loved. I had seen them bickering, sword fighting, smiling over trivial things but never in my lifetime I deemed them to be lovers. I had howled and sobbed. I had become very cold after that but my isolation from the others made me see the small things that I missed in their interactions. The winks, the smirks, the secrete touches, the overpowering desire for each other, they had been always there but I was blind to them all." She added. "Oh! Look at the time I should return Milady have a good night's sleep." She retreated back.

I implemented Celia's advice from the next morning. I joined the King and the Queen for breakfast. I found Lucy to be sitting in one of the chairs and waiting for Caspian. "Good Morning Queen Lucy." I bowed to her. She looked amused at my formal tone, she patted the seat beside her, and "You don't need to be so formal Susan you are my sister and good morning to you too." At that moment Caspian entered and we both stood up,_ "Buenos días querido."_ She embraced her husband. "_Buenos días_ Lucy-love." Caspian replied placing a chaste kiss on her lips and caressing her baby bump. Then he turned towards me and wished me as well but I only nodded in return. We all sat down and Lucy started to one-sided conversations with me. She told me about the changes in Narnia, new rules but the most striking fact was due to the year-difference in Narnia and England Lucy had become older than me. I was at the age twenty-five and Lucy was thirty-three. My eyes travelled from Lucy's face to the face of her King. Caspian would appear to be eating peacefully to anyone but my observation revealed differently. Caspian would sometimes take a quick peek at Lucy and smile to himself; he would secretly transfer vegetables to her plate while she would be busy with the talking; he even poured some cheese in Lucy's vegetables. As for Lucy she would smile more when Caspian would look at her, she would let him pass the vegetables and she would eat them without making a fuss. I remembered when mother and Peter had to fight to make Lucy eat her veggies.

"Susan tell me about.." she suddenly stopped abruptly and glared at her spoon, it still had remains of cheese in it. Caspian was also stopped. I inwardly laughed because I knew Lucy hated cheese like anything. She grabbed Caspian's collar and pulled him in a passionate kiss. Then she pulled back and continued her conversation as if nothing had happened. I looked at Caspian who licked his lips looking very content but not even a bit of shock was seen on his actions. Caspian finally finished his breakfast and addressed Lucy, "I need your advice on some policies and there is also some treaties to be signed." Lucy nodded at him before giving me a apologetic smile, "I sorry Susan but my kingdom needs me." The King and Queen left for their duties leaving me behind to my thoughts. I left the dinning hall much later than Caspian and Lucy. Having nothing better to do I decided to take a walk around my old home. Celia had told me that Cair Paravel was reconstructed as a wedding gift for Lucy. My walk brought me to the training grounds with a lone soldier practicing his target. The soldiers had recently fought a war so they had opted to rest but not this one. As I neared the soldier appeared to be much younger. Even though he was a soldier but there was only one word to describe him that was beautiful. His whitish blond hair swayed with the wind, falling on his electric blue eyes with long lashes. His thin lips were pressed together in concentration; his stance was proud and firm. Then my eyes fell on his bow and his white quiver. They were the same ones I had received from Father Christmas. "Soldier.." I called him with authority. He gracefully marched to me. "These are mine." I pointed at the Bow and arrows. He stared at for a second before replying, "Who are you again?"

"How dare you question your Queen?" I shouted with range. "Dear lady I know only one Queen and she is Queen Lucy." He smirked at me. Suddenly Lucy's voice was heard snapping the soldier to attention, "Rilian apologize to Queen Susan…now." He bowed down to me and said, "My apologies Queen Susan." I smiled superiorly. "Susan its almost dinner time, where have you been?" She asked making her way to us. "Wandering around." I replied. "And what about you Rillian?" she asked turning towards the soldier. "I had been practicing my target." He replied. "You are trying too hard dear." She said ruffling his already messy hair. "I try because I have my loved ones to protect." He replied planting a loving kiss on Lucy's forehead. I was stunned at this scene at one side Lucy claimed to unconditionally in love with Caspian and here she was exchanging kisses with common soldiers.

"You are cheating on Caspian with a soldier…a boy…how could you…you slut." I screamed with anger. "How dare you defile Queen Lucy?" the soldier drew his arrow at me. "Enough." Lucy shouted. She convulsed with pain and clutched her stomach. In an instant the soldier wrapped her in his arms and patted her back to ease the pain. One of the servants must have informed Caspian about this as I saw the concerned King running to his slut of a wife, "Lucy…Lucy are you alright?" Caspian soon replaced the soldier and asked her to take deep breaths. When Lucy seemed much stable he turned to me and barked, "What the hell happened?" I had never seen Caspian's this angry. I was inwardly rejoicing my victory. As soon as I would tell him what happened he would leave Lucy and marry me. However, the soldier bit me by snapping at me, "She called Queen Lucy a slut."

Caspian glared at me with such intensity I felt like trembling with fear but why should I? "Because she is one." I replied without any fear. "Care. To. Explain." Caspian spurted out each word with venom. " Your wife was cuddling with this boy in your absence…that's why." I replied with a smirk. But the storm I was expecting never came. Caspian just stared at me with utter disbelief. Ultimately, a servant broke the silence. "Crown-Prince Rillian Prince Orion and Princess Cassiopeia had requested your presence." He bowed to the blond soldier. This was my turn to stare with disbelief as the soldier or should I say CROWN-PRINCE RILLIAN dismissed his subject. "I thought it was a good idea for you to met our kids before the ball." Lucy said sheepishly after recovering from pain.

I was invited to have dinner with the King's family. Caspian sat at head of the table, on his right sat Lucy and a shy boy, which I was sure to be Prince Orion. To Caspian's left sat the Crown Prince and a restless girl, which I was sure to be Princess Cassiopeia. " Susan I would like you meet my son Orion and daughter Cassiopeia." Lucy introduced her family. Then she added, "and of course you have met my eldest Rilian." Rilian looked old enough to be at least seventeen but I clearly remember Lucy was married for fifteen years. "Lucy did you have him before marriage?" Rilian stiffened in his chair. I looked at Lucy with confusion. "Rilian is the son of Caspian and Lady Liliandil." I was outraged that the next King of Narnia was an illegitimate child. "Lucy how can you make this illegitimate child the next king?" I snapped at Lucy. "I am not hungry." Rilian rose from his seat bowed to everyone and left. "Cassie Orion go to your brother." Lucy said handing them three plates of food. "And Cassie…." A secrete conversation passed between them before they took of. "He will…."Caspian said rising as well. Lucy nodded at her husband.

The table looked so empty now. Finally Lucy took a deep breath and addressed me. "Lady Liliandil was Caspian's first legally wedded wife. And I might as well tell you how we met." Lucy narrated me the their story. Ultimately, Susan Pevensie lost for the first time in her life. Their love was forged by the heat of time, crafted by mistakes, forgiveness and so many sentiments like honesty, trust and mainly friendship. It was a heterogeneous entity. The last thing I did before retreating back to my chambers that night was to sincerely congratulate my sister for her family and Her love, Caspian.

* * *

**Translation:**

**_Buenos días querido :_ Good morning beloved.**

**_Amado :_ Beloved.**

**Please Review !^_^!**


End file.
